100 FUNNY KENYAN PROVERBS.

100 FUNNY KENYAN PROVERBS compiled by Ndege Serikal

• a dead rat feels no cold
• the cries of a goat do not prevent it from reaching the market
• it is only a fool that sweats in water
• a frog likes water,not hot water
• a chameleon does not change its majestic way of walking simply because the forest is on fire
• the tortoise shits on the one who lifts him up
• the sweetness of sugar is not in its color
• a man's teeth cannot grow taller than his penis
• you cannot shave a man in his absence

• the heaviness of the crocodile's private parts is what makes it to sink in water
• no matter how tall your grandfather was,you have to do your own growing
• he who pursues an innocent chicken often stumbles
• a child can play with its mother's breasts in public,but it cannot dare play with its father's testicles
• no one can pass twice between the thighs of an elephant
• no matter how tall the neck is,the head will always be on top of it
• a cat wearing gloves catches no mouse
• when the underwear is very dirty,its removed together with the trouser
• two watermelons cannot be held under one arm
• two fingers cannot enter the same nostril

• a hungry dog licks its nose,a satisfied dog licks its private parts
• a bee is never kissed.NYUKI HAPIGWI BUSU
• the horns of a cow cannot be hidded
• whether a frog falls on fire or fire falls on the frog,the frog is still injured
• the chief's dog is chief of the dogs
• buttocks will never fail to rub each other
• a man only appreciates his buttocks after they develop a boil
• before swallowing a mango seed,first calculate the diameter of your anus
• when the hen is drunk, it forgets about the hawk
• when the lion is sick,even a grasshopper will disrespectfully urinate in lion's house
• a friend in power is a friend lost
• when the head is too big,it cannot evade blows
• a woman who wants a child cannot sleep with her clothes on

 

• he who shits on the bush will forget where the faeces are,but whoever steps on the faeces cannot forget
• the leg that steps on a lizard should not be touched before it is washed
• a penis remains a penis even after ejaculation
• never talk about a rope in the house of a man who has just been hanged
• the house of a madman is never burnt
• the goat that breaks a drum pays with its own skin
• no matter how far a man urinates,the last drop will always fall between his knees
• no matter how much the world changes,cats will never lay eggs
• pregnancy does not kill a midwife
• the owl is the wisest of all birds because the more it sees,the less it talks
• if gold rusts,what will iron do?
• beauty is not sold or eaten

• however much the world degenerates,man shall never find warms in salt
• he whose throat is longer than his arm must pray constantly for god's protectiob
• no frog is tied by a rope to a pond
• the fly that has no one to advise it follows the corpse into the grave
• no one feels the pains that arise from unintended injury
• money has the capability of making people laugh; but when they laugh,sometimes the foolish ones forget to close their mouths
• sometimes the rain might force a man, more than once, to seek shelter under the same tree
• an old banana leaf was once yung and green
• when a dying man cries, it is not because of where he is going which he knows nothing about,but because of what he would have done in the world he is leaving behind
• he who does not look ahead always remains behind
• two men quarrelling do not share the same seat on a canoe

• it is an irresponsible adult that creates enmity because of a disagreement that arises because of two children
• the sun does not refuse to shine on a village just because it is small
• a child does not die because the mother's breasts are dry
• if a greedy eater is near a patient,such a patient can never survive
• there is no elephant that complains about the weight of its trunk. No elephant is burdened by the weight of its tusks
• it is when there is a stampede,that a woman with big buttocks knows that she carries a load.
• if a soup is sweet,it is money that cooks it
• a bird does not change its feathers because the weather is bad
• when the teeth fall off,the nose is sure to collapse
• when the right hand washes the left hand and the left hand washes the right hand,both hands become clean
• when an elephant falls,meat is sure to be surplus for those who follow the hunter
• two footsteps do not make a path
• the grave of the gravedigger is never deep
• a man who sleeps with your mother can slap you in her absence
• it is not only the hare,the tortoise arrives also at the destination

• if a person who curses another is not better than the person he curses,a request is never made of him to rescind the curse
• a fowl does not forget where it lays its eggs
• the hen perspires,but the feathers don't allow us to see the perspiration
• the alcohol that is insufficient for a whole town ought not to intoxicate one man 
• it is one person in a street that kills a dog and the street is named a street of dog killers
• when a hen gets to a new town,it stands on one leg until it knows that it is a town where people stand on their two legs
• greatness and beauty do not belong to the gods alone
• anyone who urinates in a stream should be warned because any of his relatives may drink from the water
• he who wants to sleep in the middle must be first to arrive
• he who sets a trap does not cough
• no one can use another person's teeth to smile
• no matter how much a bull is on heat,it does not mount a goat
• a man who is trampled to death by an elephant is a man who is blind and deaf
• the elephant and the tiger do not go hunting on the same pasture

• the fish that can see that its water is getting shallower,cannot be stranded
• a man who lives on the bank of a river does not use spittle to wash his hands
• we do not use bare feet to search for thorns which we have seen in day time
• the gods only hear one wish at a time, and nothing more
• before the gods destroy you,they first make you mad
• when a ripe fruit sees an honest man,it drops
• an ant-hill that is destined to become a giant ant-hill will definitely become one,no matter how many times it is destroyed by elephants
• sleep and indolence are not cousins of a good harvest
• NO ONE CAN PUT GOD IN A BOX,WHETHER BY ACCIDENT OR INCIDENCE. ANYONE THAT CLAIMS OTHERWISE,IS EITHER VOLUNTARILY MAD OR INVOLUNTARILY POSSESSED BY A CHILDLESS DEMON.